“I’ve crushed the Democrats, the Deep State, the fake news, the Constitution. Now there’s only one enemy left: me.”
By Victor Thule | National Editor
The Underground Mirror
September 9, 2025 – Washington, D.C.
After systematically dismantling every institution that once served as a check on his power—Congress, the courts, the press, the opposition party, and the Constitution itself—President Donald J. Trump announced Monday that he has finally identified the last threat to American greatness: Donald J. Trump.
“A lot of people—very smart people—keep saying there’s this orange dictator ruining America. And I said, ‘Who is this guy? Sounds terrible!’ And it turns out… it’s me. Can you believe it? So brave. So honest. Nobody’s ever declared war on themselves before. I’m doing it for you, the people.”
The 73-minute press conference was held at the White House Annex, formerly the Lincoln Memorial, now rebranded as Trumporium™ National Liberty Garden and adorned with a golden bust of Trump devouring an eagle.
TOTAL VICTORY. NOW WHAT?
Since his uncontested reinstatement in January 2025, Trump has:
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Banned the Democratic Party (“unregistered foreign agent”)
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Nationalized MSNBC and PBS (“hostile propaganda nodes”)
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Declared the Supreme Court “obsolete”, replacing it with a Truth Tribunal featuring Judge Jeanine, Mike Lindell, and three animated Trump NFTs
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Rewritten the Constitution using AI prompts from Truth Social (“much faster that way”)
With no remaining courts, elections, or opposition parties, only one figure remained powerful enough to threaten his reign: the Trump of the past.
“Old Trump—2016 Trump, 2020 Trump, even 2023 Trump—made mistakes. He hired the wrong people. Let the wrong laws survive. Some say he was a dictator. That’s why I’m taking him out.”
THE ENEMY WITHIN
The initiative, dubbed Operation Un-Trump, includes:
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Drone strikes on former Trump Tower properties to eliminate “latent Trump energy”
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Book bans targeting The Art of the Deal, Triggered, and Son of a Son of a Trump: The Barron Memoirs (“Too dangerous for children”)
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A travel ban on Trump himself (“He will not be allowed to leave the country. Or Mar-a-Lago. Or the mirror.”)
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Military surveillance of reflective surfaces, which he believes Trump uses to “send messages to himself”
PRESS BRIEFING TRANSCRIPT: SEPTEMBER 9
REPORTER: Sir, just to clarify—you are Trump.
TRUMP: Was. Not anymore. I’ve evolved. I’m Post-Trump now. Very different. The real threat is Classic Trump. Old formula. Outdated. Didn’t listen to the people. Still used lowercase letters. That Trump—he’s the enemy of freedom.
REPORTER: But you currently hold office as—
TRUMP: Fake news. Don’t interrupt me while I’m saving America from myself.
KABUKI THEATER OF SELF-ACCOUNTABILITY
To ensure fairness, Trump appointed himself as Special Counsel to investigate himself. The dual-role hearing aired exclusively on Fox & Father™, the rebranded network that now features only Trump content and ambient rifle cleaning.
TRUMP 1: “Mr. President, are you the problem?”
TRUMP 2: “Yes. But also the solution. Very few people can say that. Maybe Jesus. Maybe Batman.”
The Fox chyron read:
TRUMP TAKES COURAGEOUS STAND AGAINST TRUMP
AMERICA RESPONDS
Across the nation, reactions ranged from confused applause to synchronized weeping.
“I voted for Trump to protect me from the government,” said one woman in Ohio. “I didn’t realize he was the government. But now he’s protecting me from himself, which makes me feel twice as safe.”
On social media, MAGA Nation split into volatile microfactions:
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Pro-Trump Trumpists (“The Trump who declared war is the real patriot”)
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Anti-War Trumpists (“The Trump he’s attacking is innocent!”)
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Trump Truthers (“Both Trumps are Deep State clones!”)
THE STATEMENT
In a late-night Truth Social video, Trump delivered a somber message to the nation—and to himself—while staring into a bathroom mirror:
“Look, Trump. I know we’ve had our differences. But you’ve gone too far. You’re me. And that makes you the most dangerous man in America.”
He then slapped his own reflection and demanded “total surrender by morning.”
THE FINAL THREAT
Historians say the moment was inevitable.
“You can only punch down for so long,” said Dr. Melanie Shrike, professor of autocratic psychology at Tufts. “Eventually, there’s no one left to bully but yourself.”
The question now is not whether Trump can defeat Trump.
It’s what happens when he wins.
Because then—and only then—he will be truly alone with power.
And that, experts say, is when the real damage begins.
Editor’s Note:
As of press time, President Trump has ordered a nationwide ban on mirrors, shadows, and wax statues.
Mar-a-Lago has declared itself a sovereign nation.
Air Force One has been renamed The Eagle’s Nest 2.
Stay tuned.
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