Issued by the Office of National Clarity, Department of Correct American Words
“Say Less. Mean Less. Be Good.”
Banned Word → Approved MASGA Term
| Forbidden Word | MASGA Replacement | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Diversity | Samenessplusgood | Diversity implies difference. Sameness is patriotic. |
| Equity | Fairenoughwise | Fairness exists, but not too much. Don’t push it. |
| Women | Amerigirls | Only if they love God, trucks, and casseroles. |
| LGBTQ+ | Difffolk | No need for specifics. Everyone the same, but different. |
| Gender | HeOrSheOnlywise | Don’t ask, don’t say, just pick one and stick with it. |
| Systemic | UngoodCoincidence | There are no systems. Just bootstraps. |
| Bias | Feelingness | “Bias” sounds too technical. Call it what it is: feelings gone sideways. |
| Racism | Talkcrime | You said it, now you’re in trouble. |
| Inclusion | Allsameallgood | Everyone’s invited, so long as they behave like us. |
| Marginalized | Sidefolk | They’re not excluded, just chilling on the side. |
| Social Justice | Fairnessgrift | Used by leftists to steal your lunch and your tax dollars. |
| Privilege | Luckblessing | You earned it. Somehow. Don’t question it. It’s God’s will |
| Activism | Yellcrime | Doing stuff in public = suspect behavior. |
| Inequality | Levelnessgap | It’s not broken. It’s just tilted to the right. |
| Underrepresented | Missingfolk | They’re not underrepresented—they just need to check their alignment. |
| Hate speech | Unfriendtalk | Bad words that are sometimes good if spoken in defense of freedom. |
| Trauma | FeelingtooMuchwise | This generation is soft. Be strong. Ignore. Repress. |
| Pronouns | HeSheOnly | Zey? Xer? Nope. Not in our freedom grammar book. |
| Disability | Diffabledness | If you rename it, it might go away. |
| Historical Context | Oldthinkiness | We don’t look back. The only way is forward into the great white future. |
Grammatical Guidelines for Proper MASGA Speaking
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Prefix “Un-”: Use instead of saying “bad” (e.g., unhelpful, unpatriotic, unfreedom).
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Prefix “Plus-” and “Doubleplus-”: To intensify (e.g., plusgood, doublepluswrong).
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Suffix “-wise”: Adverbial clarity enhancement (e.g., truthwise, obedientwise).
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Suffix “-ful”: Adjective form (e.g., flagful, freedomful, obedienceful).
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Past tense: Always add -ed (e.g., drinked, winned, respecteded).
Standard Phrases for MASGA Youth Citizenship
| Oldspeak | MASGA Equivalence |
|---|---|
| “I support diversity in our school.” | “I bellyfeel samenessplusgood in classwise.” |
| “I think we should acknowledge our history.” | “Unoldthinkful unmention of paststuff.” |
| “Gender identity is important.” | “Unsay. HeOrSheOnly. Speakwise!” |
| “This system is unfair.” | “Unpatriotfeel detected. Reported.” |
| “We should be more inclusive.” | “Speakwise error. Correction issued.” |
Offenses and Consequences
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Facecrime: Looking confused during pledge = detention.
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Ownlife: Reading alone = flag raised, invitation to MASGA joycamp pending.
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Duckspeak: Parroting the correct slogans = gold star!
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Crimethink: Mentioning “systemic racism” = tripleplusunstudent.
Closing Message from the Department of Speech Correction
“Remember children, freedom is obedience, speech is silence, and silence is golden. Let your tongues be clean and your thoughts be cleared. Language is loyalty. Big Orange Brother is doubleplusproud of your grammar.”
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