REDNECK MARKET REPORT – JUNE 2025

with Randy Price, Financial Philosopher and Certified Bud Light Economist

Brisket’s Gone Bougie and Congress is Flipping Stocks Like Pancakes: A Dispatch from the Financial Front Lines

Well butter my bacon and cancel my Sam’s Club card, eggs cost more than beer again, and that ain’t just a bad punchline, it’s the state of the union.

I’m Randy Price, back behind the proverbial microphone, actually a busted CB radio duct-taped to a lawn chair, bringing you another Redneck Market Report. For those just tuning in, this is where we translate economic wizardry into red-blooded reality, with no charts, no buzzwords, and no tolerance for bullsh*t that costs $18.99 a pound.

Now let’s get into it, before they start charging rent on oxygen.

They say inflation’s cooling. That’s what the suits in D.C. want you to believe. Meanwhile, I paid fifteen dollars for a three-pack of chicken thighs and nearly cried in the self-checkout line. When they say “cooling,” what they mean is “you’re too broke to notice it’s still burning.” Prices ain’t coming back down; they’re just getting comfortable up there, like your brother-in-law on your couch who said he’d only stay for a weekend three years ago.

And brisket? Don’t even look at it unless you’ve got a Black Amex and diplomatic immunity. What used to be working man’s barbecue is now a boutique status symbol, sold by the ounce like designer perfume. My cousin J.D. tried to buy one last weekend and had to finance it through Affirm. I saw a smoked brisket listed on a wedding registry. We are in uncharted meat territory, folks.

Groceries have turned into a luxury scavenger hunt. Shrinkflation means you’re paying filet mignon prices for what amounts to a Pringle without the cardboard tube. A bag of chips now contains enough air to fill your nephew’s bounce house, and the cereal box is a full inch shorter than last year but the price tag grew a third of a foot taller. They tell us this is “market adjustment.” I call it economic sleight-of-hand by corporate magicians who make your paycheck disappear faster than your hope.

And speaking of disappearing acts, let’s talk wages. They say wages are rising. Yeah? Where? The only thing rising where I live is the number of “Help Wanted” signs begging folks to work three jobs and accept “company culture” instead of health insurance. Most of us got a main hustle, a side hustle, and a don’t-ask-questions hustle. Meanwhile, members of Congress are giving themselves raises and trading stocks with insider knowledge like it’s a bake sale for billionaires.

You ever notice how when you mess up on your taxes, you get a fine, but when they do it, they get a book deal? Must be nice to live in a part of America where the laws are more like suggestions with corporate sponsors.

Now Wall Street’s doing great, which is odd considering nobody I know is. They say the market’s “strong,” but that’s only because they ain’t counting the people who already fell out. You’re not in the market; you’re market-adjacent. You watch it like a football game you didn’t buy tickets to. And when your retirement fund takes a hit, it’s “volatility.” But when a billionaire’s yacht fund slips, it’s a national emergency.

This ain’t a cycle. It’s a strategy. You feel poor because you are. You feel confused because you’re supposed to be. They don’t want you focused; they want you chasing coupons and watching TikToks while they turn your future into a derivative they can flip by Thursday.

So here’s your quarterly advice from someone who still thinks common sense ought to be common: Trust your gut, not the headlines. If it feels like you’re being scammed, you probably are. Grow some damn vegetables. Don’t buy anything with the word “fusion” in it unless it’s a car. And don’t wait for a miracle to come down from Capitol Hill, it’s been foreclosed on and turned into a cemetery for democracy .

The canary’s coughing, folks. This mineshaft smells like burnt rubber and fake prosperity, and if we don’t start paying attention, they’re gonna bury us in debt and call it GDP.

This has been the Redneck Market Report. I’m Randy Price, reporting from the edge of the economic reality they don’t want you to see… where hope is bartered, trust is broke, and brisket is no longer for the people.

Stay salty. Stay sharp. And don’t let ‘em gaslight you into gratitude. You’re not lucky to survive; they’re lucky you haven’t burned it all down.

See y’all next time.