OPINION: I’ll Gladly Starve for Freedom As Long As Trump’s in Charge

By Sheila May Funderlin, Proud Wife, Patriot, and Part-Time Avon Warrior

Let me be clear: I support President Trump with all my heart, all my soul, and all seventeen of my remaining teeth. The man speaks truth. He’s finally cutting through the waste, the fraud, and the freeloading. I hear people at church say we can’t afford to slash government programs — well guess what, we can’t afford not to. Elon Musk and the DOGE team are doing God’s work, cleaning up this bloated country one unfunded department at a time. America needed a purge. I’ve always said that.

That said, I am a little worried because my husband, Wayne — God love him — hasn’t been able to refill his heart meds since the VA hospital went to a “first come, first verified by retina scan” system. He’s a veteran, 100% disabled after serving two tours and three decades fixing tanks in the desert. But we’re not complaining, because Wayne knows sacrifice. He salutes the drone every morning when it buzzes over our backyard.

My son Dylan’s college tuition just tripled since the GI Bill was folded into TrumpU’s new “Real American Skills Program,” which offers crypto vouchers for self-taught MAGA influencers. He was going to be a mechanical engineer, but now he’s doing a podcast called ‘Tucker’s Ghost’. He says it’s “content with grit.” I say it’s destiny.

Meanwhile, I’ve had a hell of a time making my sales quota. I sell imported smart socks and massaging cat pillows on my Facebook Marketplace store, but thanks tariff on basically everything not dug out of Alabama, I had to double my prices. People don’t want to pay $73.95 for an emotionally intelligent foot warmer, and that’s their loss. Still, I trust the plan. Even when I can’t afford eggs. Even when we’re back to using powdered cheese that expired during the Bush administration. It’s not Trump’s fault he had to fix the economy  it’s China’s

I’ve had to start giving my daughter little “insulin sips” because her full dose got priced out of our SNAP ration tier, but she says it’s fine because “the sweats build character.” I told her she’s lucky we’re not in socialist Europe, where they give that stuff away like candy. That’s not freedom.

And Grandma Ethel? Still no Social Security check. But c’mon, she doesn’t need it. She has patriotism and half a can of peaches in the pantry. She says she can make it last if we don’t get greedy.

So don’t come to me with your gloom and doom. I believe in this president. I believe in this mission. I believe that if I hold out long enough, if I chant TRUMP WON loud enough, one day I’ll be rewarded with a discount coupon for Ivanka-brand powdered milk and maybe a visit to Mar-a-lago. Until then, I’ll survive. Because I’m a real American.

Even if I have to pawn my teeth to afford pork rinds.