An Open Letter to Brenda Lee Wilkins from Rhonda Lynn Monroe
Underground Mirror – April 2025
Brenda Lee Wilkins,
It’s been nearly 40 years since we last spoke, and we just got to bury the hatchet. This beef between us has pained me since that Fall in 1986. I’ve talked it out with my therapist for years and I’m sending you this message to heal this rift.
We grew up neighbors on the same street, learned to ride a bike together, went to the same schools and church. Our mams were best friends and we were destined to be friends for life. We were as close as could be. Hell, we both let Jimmy Cooper get to second base behind the roller rink in junior high.
More importantly, we discovered music together. Remember how we saw that Columbia House of Records ad in Tiger Beat Magazine and we ordered those “11 tapes for 1 cent“? It was amazing to open up that bundle of cassettes, Huey Lewis & the News, The Cars, Cindy Lauper, Eurythmics, Pat Benatar, Flock of Seagulls, Thomas Dolby and Thompson Twins… But I rue the day we peeled the cellophane off of the Wham! And Culture Club albums.
That is the wedge that drew us apart. When I stated the obvious that Culture Club was clearly the better band, you screamed ‘Boy George is a pervert who wears old curtains!’ and threw your Cabbage Patch doll at me. Like a lunatic you screamed some tirade about George Michael and stormed out of my room and wouldn’t talk to me again. I wish we had never ordered those damn tapes.
But as much as I’d like to apologize, Boy George is clearly the more talented artist and George Michael never held a candle to the genius of ‘Kissing To Be Clever’. Lyrically, musically, not to mention the social message and performance is far superior. I don’t mean to drag up old grievances but let’s break down the facts:
You chose Wham!. I chose Culture Club.
You chose plastic neon party boys doing fake Caribbean vacation fantasy in short shorts.
I chose vulnerability, rhythm, androgyny and the social message of ‘Kissing to Be Clever’.
You called it “just weird.” Weird?! How dare you!
I call it a prophetic masterpiece.
So now, in the year 2025, in the smoldering ruins of a society those party boys partied right through, I’m going to give you the chance to apologize.
The case is clear. Let’s go track by track, shall we?
1. White Boy
Genres: Reggae fusion, funk-pop, post-punk
Lyrical impact: Culture, race, identity — flipped inside out
“Let’s steal some culture / Let’s fake this dance / A white boy kiss / A white boy chance”
Or,
“Black boys employ Salassie / We kiss to define / White hands, white hearts, the gender / How can I make you mine?
Take me to God / In a world of blank kisses / Who breaks the colors / I know what this is / A one man show / That’s how we know / You’re white and does it show”
Boy George wasn’t just flirting with appropriation, he named it, framed it, and turned it back on itself.
“You’re white (dance like an enemy) / You’re white (dance like an enemy) / You’re white (dance like an enemy) / You’re so white!
This track was about lust and power, race and rhythm, and doing it all with a Burundi beat you could grind to. What did Wham! have? “Wham Rap.”
God help us.
2. You Know I’m Not Crazy
Genres: Dancehall, dub pop
Lyrical weight: Mental health meets romantic obsession
“I caught on to the way you smile / Love could only last a while / I couldn’t love, I couldn’t touch / The situation was too much / You know I’m not crazy”
Boy George crafts emotional instability like he’s building a cathedral.
“Talk about the love we feel / The passion that our hearts conceal / Kiss and run the fools we trust / Love inside a blinding lust / You know I’m not crazy”
And…
“Hold me to my every word / Forget about the things you heard / Time will conquer, time will state / We owe every tear to hate”
The line between devotion and delusion? That’s the dancefloor.
3. I’ll Tumble 4 Ya
Genres: Calypso, Burundi drums, ska, slippery fretless bass
“I get a crazy feeling / That chases in my head / It’s nothing that you do to me / It’s nothing that you said / It’s love in stereo and when I can’t let go I say / I’ll be your baby / I’ll be your score / I’ll run the gun for you / And so much more…”
Don’t let the playfulness fool you. Yes, it’s catchy. But it’s also about identity performance and vulnerability.
“Uptown their sound / Is like the native / You send her / Junction Function / The boy with pop is slender / Did he say maybe / Or I’m not sure / He’ll be a boy for you / But you need more / I’ll tumble for you…”
He’s not saying “I love you,” he’s saying “I’ll break for you.” And then he does.
“I get to thinking of the past / We swore to each other that our love would last”
What did George Michael tumble for? A tanning bed in Ibiza?
4. Take Control
Genres: Afrobeat, synth-pop, proto-queer club anthem
“Boy I’m sweet / When you’ve got me beat / I can’t turn it / I feel cold / It’s for you / that my love is true / Got to blind a boy / To take control”
This one slaps, Brenda. Just plain slaps. It’s queer folk activism set to a dance track. If Boy George had a megaphone and glitter eyeliner at Stonewall, this is what it would’ve sounded like. Its 1982, think of the bravery he had!
5. Love Twist
Genres: Lovers rock, dub
This is Sade if she studied gender theory.
“Rhythms take me / Do I need it / Will we kiss, will you let go / Twisting hearts / Oh how we bleed them / How am I supposed to throw / Memories from where I keep them / Words will only make us slow”
A slow, sensual burn with poetic lyrics and harmonic risk.
“Footsteps, movements finding people / Clutch to the forbidden soul / Twisting words to find a reason / How am I supposed to throw / Questions that I cannot answer / Watch those boys they dance and go / Hung up like the rules that made them / I’ll be gone before you know”
Find me anything in the Wham! catalogue with this kind of intimacy that isn’t layered in drippy synth saxophone cheese.
6. Boy, Boy (I’m the Boy)
Genres: Soul-pop, queer gospel
“Words that pull the trigger / Fear the haunting sound / Haunts you to consider / Love might bring you around to / Face a blind emotion / Words like hey let’s try / Words like thinking it over / They just don’t apply”
The pronouns alone were revolutionary. In 1982, this was the sonic equivalent of coming out via falsetto and a hat covered in buttons. And it was beautiful.
“You made me realize / That love is just a word / That goes unheard in a situation / Where love is nothing / And you are all I can see / I’m the boy you made me”
George Michael was still filming lame Pepsi commercials.
7. Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?
Genres: Lovers rock, gospel, reggae
Oh the chills and goosebumps. This track wrecked me then and still does.
“Give me time / To realize my crime / Let me love and steal / I have danced inside your eyes / How can I be real? / Do you really want to hurt me?”
It’s the sound of an open wound set to a gentle Caribbean beat.
“Words are few / I have spoken / I could waste a thousand years / Wrapped in sorrow / Words are token / Come inside and catch my tears / You’ve been talking but believe me / If it’s true / You do not know / This boy loves without a reason / I’m prepared to let you go”
I don’t recall “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” ever inviting me into anyone’s emotional landscape. Unless you count a bright pink speedo.
Let’s address the Wham! Problem
Wham! was aesthetic. Culture Club was bold, honest ethic.
One gave you pool party veneers and empty pop hooks. The other gave you a mirror and dared you to look.
Unforgivable tracks:
Wham Rap! – Peak frat boy masquerade. Two Brits cosplaying American poverty and “street life” while sipping cappuccinos?
Young Guns (Go for It) – A moral panic dressed in white dance pants. It’s basically a musical condom ad.
Bad Boys – Brenda, I swear if I ever have to listen to that gaslighting anthem again, I will file a restraining order against George’s estate.
Final Notes
George Michael had the voice. Boy George had the vision.
One wrote pop for the moment. The other rewrote pop for the future.
I don’t hate Wham! I just understand their limits. Culture Club made sophisticated art. They made danger. They made space.
So Brenda, if this clears the air between us, I welcome it.
But two final things:
- If you’re ready to finally admit that “I’ll Tumble 4 Ya” was a better love song than anything George Michael wrote before he came out of the closet, I’ll buy you lunch. And I forgive you for never contributing to paying for the 3 cassettes I had to buy from Columbia House to pay for the ones we got for free.
- You still have my Benetton sweater and my Swatch watch. Return them, and all is forgiven.
Your former best friend,
Rhonda Lynn Monroe
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